Damned if you dont

This has been a crazy week. My parents have decided its payback time. All that crying,screaming and general 'make your life hell' attitude of my childhood is now being revenged. They're as sensitive as a princess' backside(her most exciting night with the pea). And check this out...they can feel the pea, even when it is not there!!! I think they just worked past royalty.

Anything I say or do or not do is a matter magnified to the nth degree. And believe me, comapred to their ability to send me on guilt trips, God's angels come second. They have special superpowers that annihilate all your natural defences and subject you to lingering torture by self flagellation.

Well that kind of made me feel relieved...and guilty...See they're doing it to me right now!!!

Onset of Clinical Depression

Lifes terrible. If anyone says otherwise,dont believe them.

I just returned from a long walk against a cold winter wind and am starting to regain feeling in my nose. While I thaw with a cup of hot chocolate,I drift into the inevitable musings of a solitary state.

I wonder in the silence of my apartment...until the silence becomes heavy with my thoughts. What is happiness,I wonder with complete lack of originality. The human race is yet to solve this riddle and I am comforted by my own humanity in seeking answers.
To me happiness is sitting curled with a favourite book,while the world passes me by. Extremely escapist,but truly delightful. A world shrouded with London fogs while Holmes and Watson are setting off to investigate grave and sinister crimes,where poirot is excercizing his little gray cells,where Austen's heroines are busy matchmaking,dickens pickwick bumbles around and don quixote is a knight in shining armor. Most importantly,it is the world where Gussie gives away prices and Bertie sports the stiff upper lip.

When I exit this world and go into work,I am assaulted by the pressure to achieve more,earn more,buy more and do more. It seems happiness is the trophy of those who strive in the unrelenting world and are forever assuring themselves that they are founded on financial security. Not to belittle these efforts,but I muse-have I decided to sit out the dance of life?
As my cup of chocolate is drunk and peace is restored to my soul,I end with misquoting Jerome K Jerome's -I love hard work-I could sit and watch people work hard all day!

Time to get back to my book...

Butterfly Monk

How does one become a butterfly? she asked.

"You have to want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar".

Too often, we are content to be caterpillars all our lifes. Changing is so difficult and time consuming. So much better to hang out on the couch,eating chips and watching TV. Now I am not against this picture-Its a great way to relax after a stressful day. But it becomes difficult when this is all one wants to do with one's life.

And I am not talking about just career aspirations and ambitions. I am talking about how each and everyone of us is blessed with the potential to contribute meanigfully.

My main frustration is how easy I find it to slip back into my comfort zone. But this time,I really want to fly and so am determined to break through.

I've thought up a couple of schemes-my writing,the community work I'd like to take on,quality time with my parents etc. I plan to have one priority a month to initiate some action around.

So begins my baby steps towards butterflydom.